The Incident of the Rabbit on the Road

Tonight, I killed my first animal.

It wasn't in any kind of sacrificial, or ceremonial way.

I didn't need to eat it or defend myself against it.

It was a complete accident.

I know that my more mature, experienced, and unsympathetic readers will find it utterly ridiculous that I am so emotional about this, but emotions are real and un-ignorable features of the human condition and right now, my condition is slightly devastated.

Tonight, on the ride home from work, I killed a bunny rabbit.

In my 5ish years as a licensed driver, I have been fortunate enough to avoid accidents as I am, by and large, a patient and intuitive driver. Still, I suppose the statistics and the random numbers of the universe all have to add up against you eventually. And sometimes, it adds up to the doom of others.

It seems childish to some, I know, to be so invested as I am, but I'm unfortunately a largely empathic person, one who has a knack for crying at just about anything and who can't eat ribs or lobster or anything that looks vaguely like the creature it came from without getting anxious about it. (I'd be a vegetarian if health and monetary concerns allowed it, I think.) It's the same reason I don't like chocolates shaped like animals or marshmallow peeps, or anything with that semblance of living creatures. I don't like the idea of killing things, even for food.

So naturally, when I hit that poor creature on the road home, I was devastated.

It had already been a long day, followed by a long night at work and I took my usual back road path. I like the back roads. I like the smell of the woods and the farm I pass on my way. I like the quiet, the echo of crickets, and the lack of people. It reminds me of when I was a kid and I lived in an area that wasn't a city, one that wasn't so populous or bright or loud. But back roads, no matter where you are have always offered their own share of hazards, including the occasional animal traveler.

It really shouldn't be a surprise that I finally encountered one myself. But it did.

It just, appeared.

I know that seems somewhat like a scapegoat approach. But I genuinely didn't see it one moment, and the next, it was there and although I tried to avoid it, twisting my steering wheel to curve around it, the rabbit, more scared than I was, jumped in the same direction.

I felt that traumatizing bump and I knew.

I knew.

And I started to cry.

Pathetically, I called my Dad who answered with calm reassurance, “It's okay. Everyone does eventually.”

When I finally got home, after trying (mostly unsuccessfully) to hold back the overwhelming onslaught of emotion, I burst into tears. My father reassured me, it's a normal reaction, I've never killed an animal before (I mean, I've killed moths and the like, but nothing bigger than that) It's okay to have a reaction.

But this is coming from the guy who grew up on a farm, raising animals they later ate for food. Needless to say, it's hard to appreciate his sentiment but I am clinging to it all the same.

Accidents happen. That's what I keep telling myself and I wish I could step forward in my time and look back and realize I'll learn something from this eventually. But right now, I can't. So for now, I'm just going to pray, cry, and say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry you poor rabbit. I didn't mean to hurt you.

May your body be put to go use in the stomachs of hungry scavengers.

May your family do well in your absence and may your spirit be calm.

I'm really, really sorry.

“You are beautiful when you cry.”

We’ve all heard this line.

It’s in movies, tv shows, books, you name it.

A beautiful person (usually feminine-toned) is crying about something that is utterly heartbreaking to them (if not also the audience) and their friend, (usually masculine-toned) tells them the age old, “truth” that somehow everyone universally understands.

Well, I hate to break it to you, but you aren’t.

People aren’t pretty when they cry.

You want to know why? Because people, when they cry, are reacting to negative stimuli. Crying is a sign of distress. It isn’t meant to look pretty. it is meant to be down right ugly. It’s your body’s natural attempt to relieve stress and to ask for help.

Consider that a baby knows only three things: How to eat, how to sleep, and how to cry.

Crying is a call for aid, assistance, and attention.

Which brings me to my next point: the attention that may be being craved by the person in distress, might not be outside attention at all. Often times, crying is our bodies involuntary response to things that overwhelm us. The attention being craved is our own. Our brain wants us to pay attention to ourselves and our needs.

Thus, when another person says something like “You are beautiful whe you cry.” the attention of the situation is drawn elsewhere.

Very rarely does this diffuse the problematic situation. VERY rarely does someone saying “You are beautiful when you cry.” make you actually feel like you are beautiful and that everything is better.

In fact, sometimes, it makes it worse.

When someone says that to you, it’s like an invalidation of your distress. It’s saying “hey, you are wrong. I am right.” and “I think that you being vulnerable and upset is attractive.”

Does that sound romantic to you?

Personally, I think it sounds sketchy.

Now lets consider a moment in which you are upset about something relating to your natural born features. Let’s say you are upset about the shape of your nose.

One day, your displeasure about your nose upsets you to the point of tears. Now, someone comes over and says, you are beautiful when you cry.”

Does that change the fact that you consider your nose hideous? No. It doesn’t. The comment may divert your attention for a bit, and maybe, just maybe if the “beautiful” comment was unprecedented, If it was sprung out of nowhere by a mere acquaintance or a stranger, you might have found it to be the self-esteem booster you needed to get through your moment of self-reflective anguish.

But probably it wasn’t. Probably you stop crying, but the thought lingers on later.

And more than likely, the comment comes from someone you know well.

If it was a friend, it’s easy to see that they mean well. They are disheartened by your tears and they want to encourage you to feel better about yourself. Very likely the “you are beautiful when you cry” comment carries into comments about your beauty at all other points of your day/life. In this case, it isn’t necessarily bad.

But, then there is the scenario set forth by media, the scenario in which someone who is romantically interested in you says that line.

There are several ways this pans out, in some, it is okay, in others, it is down right disgustingly wrong. For simplicity sake, we are going to continue to say that you are upset about you nose.
(Other problems such as, “my boyfriend/girlfriend left me, my parents are getting divorced, my best friend is really sick, etc. are more complex).

Scenario one: You are attracted to someone else who doesn’t really know you. You are crying about your perceived hideousness and said person approaches you saying “you are beautiful when you cry”.

The reaction in this scenario is likely positive as now, it seems that the person that may not have been blind to you at all. A relationship could build here!

In scenario 2: You are attracted to someone you know doesn’t like you back. The reaction in this scene could also be good because they could be expressing an unrevealed or growing affection for you. However, it could also prove that the person you are attracted to is manipulative. They know that you will be excited to hear words like that from their mouth because you value their opinion so highly, and they will use that against you. Coaxing and leading you into a false sense of security until they had gotten what they came for

The third scenario I want to present is the one that is unfortunately the most common (in my experience) and the most unnerving (if you can believe).

You have a friend, who recently has told you (or perhaps you just know already) that they are romantically interested in you. You however, are not interested in them and have said so. (Or more commonly, they haven’t expressed anything to you directly but you are otherwise engaged and obviously uninterested in them).

You are upset and said friend comes to you saying “You are beautiful when you cry.”

For a moment, that might seem romantic.

Why though?

Because we’ve been conditioned to believe that someone must come to our assistance and assurance in a time of despair (this is especially relevant for women who are taught to be emotive rather than acting).

Let’s break it down for a min. though.

You are distressed and vulnerable. In that moment of sadness and open-ness, another person, who wants to be romantically entwined with you tells you you are beautiful.

What does that say about your comforter?
This person will benefit from helping you. They believe that if they are there for you they can become important in your life. They may sincerely believe (somehow) that you are beautiful when you cry, but it doesn’t change the fact that by telling you this, instead of helping to address the reason you are crying, is manipulative.

Additionally, that claim could mean that they only like, or they like you more, when you are in a state of distress.

For most people that is a very alarming thing to consider.

Creepy, manipulative, rude, diverting, ignorant, whatever you might call it, that particular staple of the romance genre (especially, I find, in things that regard teens) is distressing enough to make me cry! And I admit that I’m not beautiful either.

So, the next time you are watching someone cry on the big screen, beautiful fake, actress sobs and tears streaming down they face as they are comforted “you are beautiful” by someone else, consider this:

That line is NOT as romantic as it seems.